Loving Your Postpartum Self

I was 15 and skipping lunch at school because I had social anxiety about eating in front of people, and then binge eating when I got off the school bus, because I was starving. 16 and an anonymous message popped up on my social media that told me I had “stumpy legs”. 22 and dating a guy that told me I should “fix my teeth” because I have a “gummy smile”. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had an extremely unhealthy relationship with my appearance. Could I blame those people? Sure, I could. But I didn’t blame anyone except myself.

____

It wasn’t until the day that I became a mother that everything truly changed. Watching my body grow my little angel baby and feeling every kick and hiccup along the way. I cherished my body and the transformation it was going through. I felt the MOST confident in my skin as a pregnant woman.

____

9 short months and the day came, August 2nd 2018. I labored for 36 hours until I finally meet my daughter. She was the most gorgeous newborn baby I had ever laid eyes on. The days were sleepless. There was no time to shower, or even eat. There was no time for getting ready in the morning, shaving, or putting on eyelashes. There was only her, day and night and I didn’t care about ANYTHING else.

____

Over the months I gained a significant amount of weight. All of my attention solely went to her. Fast food and lazy dinners became the norm. I had to shop for my first-ever pair of plus size jeans. I remember being so annoyed I couldn’t find any clothes in the stores I shop in and the fact that plus size clothing was hella expensive. After a few months, my health was taken from me. I started experiencing a type of pain that was so extreme, I was questioning my life. It took a family member to really check me into reality about how dangerous the weight gain was.

____

Something had to change. So I made the change. I dropped 1/2 the weight and a whopping 1/2 the amount of nerve pain I feel daily. I’ve been a size 5, a size 8, a size 16. Ive worn a A, C, D cup. My boobies are never going to be as perky as they used to be. I have stretch marks all over my body and my body just feels “softer” than it used to. I’ve loved my body, I’ve hated my body, I’ve ignored my body, I’ve been pretty self absorbed with my body.

____

Self- Love is a journey. So postpartum mama, or really anyone reading this. I FREAKIN GET IT. I get the ups and downs. I get that it might be uncomfortable to be in front of a camera.

____

I’m going to ask you what makes you self conscious, or what makes you feel like the badass goddess that you are. I’m here to bring out the confidence you didn’t think you had in you. I’m here to capture those genuine smiles. The moments that feel authentic. I’m investing in you because I CARE.

____

I’m speaking to you postpartum mama, I’ve been there, too.

xx- K